Dare to believe in going.

Life has been up in the air for me the past few months. I've been on a roller coaster ride and I think I'm starting to come out of the other side. I've had times when I've been close to giving up, close to ending it and I've had times when life could not have been better. I've found it hard to believe in myself a lot these past months and although I've made it through I'm still struggling to believe in myself. Luckily I have an amazing group of friends going through similar things who  are there to love and care for me, and to believe in me when I'm not strong enough to believe in myself. My friends have got me through some of the toughest times in my life and they continue to believe I can make it and I can recover.

It's easy to stand still and watch life pass us by. I have done that for many years, but over the past few months I've seen more and more friends fight for their recovery, fight for themselves, their future self, their future family, their life. I've seen them believe in themselves, even when no one else does. I've seen my friends fight and win, and also some fight and lose (for lack of a better word, I don't see it as a loss - rather a stepping stone).

I think it can be hard to believe in going somewhere... in ending up where you're supposed to be. In just going, sometime not knowing where to but trusting it will all work out okay. I see recovery in this way. I don't know what is coming. I don't know where I am going or who I will be at the 'end' of the process. I say 'end' because I wonder if I'll ever be fully recovered and it will be over or if I'll always suffer in some way. Taking a risk can be scary. Choosing to go and not stand still is scary, but essential if we are going to live life and not waste it.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief. - Lucus Scott, One Tree hill.